Confidence is so overrated. Was that a typo? Nope. Sorry to break it to you guys, confidence is just a way to live fabulous, faithful and free.
What the actual heck does that mean? Well, for me, confidence is just a way of thinking. It’s just a way to ignore or talk yourself out of believing those whispers of doubt. I’ve read many self-help books, most recently Fabulous, Faithful & Free by Juanita R. Ingram, Esq. and I’ve come to the conclusion that confidence simply comes from within.
I’ve been to “blogger meet-ups”, yep, I still hate them, and by that I mean I still have to battle with my own insecurities. Will anyone talk to me? Will I say something stupid? Will I look fat and grotesque? Stupid right? But it’s true. All this plus even more stupid things will run through my mind feeding my own worst inner insecurities.
You’re your biggest critique
If you’re reading this, you’re probably wanting to know what the secret to self-confidence is. Is it in this book? I should say yes, but it’s not. That’s not to say that Fabulous, Faithful & free didn’t help. It did. But confidence comes from within and can be brought out or learnt using the right tools.
For every compliment you’ve ever received, you’ve probably got 10 reasons why that compliment isn’t true. You’re your own worst enemy, and you think way too much.
People are way too into their own selves to worry about others. Everyone is dealing with the same whispers of doubt, well, similar. We all have insecurities wrapped up in different thoughts and feelings.
When was the last time you went to an event and thought badly about an attendee? Did you really comment on their weight, how they were dressed or even the way they spoke? Did you become a ‘Mean Girl’ and publically judge everyone there? You were probably too wrapped up in yourself to even notice, but that’s not a bad thing. You were just too wrapped up in self-doubt.
Who realistically would shout from the rooftops and publically bitch about another person? People don’t like bitches, they don’t come to events, they stay at home and troll people from the safety of their laptops because they themselves are dying inside.
Practice makes perfect
I hated talking to people. I hated shmoozing and networking, it was a chore. But in the right setting, it can be amazing. If you’re a blogger or someone that wants to build a brand, you’re going to have to step out and meet people within the same circle at some point. And if that fills you with dread, just think, what’s the worst that can happen?
I’ve been to events and met people who were bricking it. Shaking, stumbling over words-could barely string a sentence-bricking it. Did it matter? No. It just showed me there were people who felt the same, I was able to hide it better, but people at these events were in the same boat. The difference was, even with all their insecurities, they made it over and introduced themselves. What was this magic wizardry that they performed? Probably nothing. But for that very moment, they were able to ignore or talk themselves out of their insecurities.
The more you throw yourself into the deep end, the faster you learn to swim
Ok, I’m all for analogies, but don’t blame me if your kid has trouble staying afloat in the water. Same goes for attending things that are well out of your comfort zone. It’s all about a little faith in yourself, and a little preparation. Then Repeat.
The book talks about small things, dressing comfortably, dressing how you want to be perceived, and something as small as wearing your favourite perfume. It may seem silly but think about it. How do you feel when you wear your favourite scent or when you wear your favourite outfit? Combine the two and you’re a step closer to being that bomb-ass confident powerhouse that can talk and mingle with the most fabulous people.
Affirmations seem to be the in thing at the moment. There is an influx of self-proclaimed life coaches online, but the one thing that stands true is believing in yourself. What do you want? How do you want to be seen? Write it down and read it out loud. Your words are powerful, so reading these every day will plant the seed of self-belief.
It’s undoing all the negative thoughts that you’ve said out loud all these years. Believing the words that perhaps others have said. I know it’s hard, but words can be erased if you have the right tools, or thought process.
Confidence online doesn’t count
Do you know how many times I’ve heard the phrase “You know XYZ, she is so different online to how she is in real life”? So many frickin’ times, guys. It’s ridiculous. Being mad bold and loud online is fine if you can carry it off in real life, but don’t decide to be a caricature of yourself because it will grow tiresome.
At some point, you’ll have to stop. You’ll have to meet people and that can be quite difficult if you’re battling the whispers of doubt and trying to remember who you are supposed to be. It’s simple. Be yourself. Be the same person that you are online that you are standing in the queue at Asda. People gravitate towards real people.
Come on, what’s the secret?
There is no real secret, and to be honest, I can’t tell you exactly what to do, however, I do believe it’s in you. Whether you attend a confidence talk, buy a self-help book or start following that life coach, just know, it’s in you. And maybe you just need to figure out what’s right for you.
But thinking about taking that leap is the first step, way to go you! The next time you go out, practice. Say what you want to achieve- out loud of course. Wear that statement outfit and your signature scent, believe that you have the ability to ignore the whispers of doubt. Only then can you take the next step onto becoming fabulous, faithful and free…basically being the best version of yourself, unapologetically so.
90% of the proceeds from the sales of Fabulous, Faithful & Free are donated to Dress For Success Greater London. Dress for Success Greater London is a registered charity that empowers women into the workplace from positions of disadvantage by providing professional clothing and styling, interview coaching and ongoing support once they re-join the workplace.
Fabulous, Faithful & Free by Juanita R. Ingram, Esq. was gifted, however, all thoughts and opinions are my own.
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Sareta Fontaine is the founder of Kiki Blah-Blah; an award-winning site which highlights & shares modern motherhood. Since 2016, Sareta has worked on the platform, both designing and creating a space for other bloggers to share their thoughts and feelings, while also sharing hers. You’ll find everything from food, parenting, travel, beauty, relationships, fashion and so much more.