Hi, I’m Hayley. You likely won’t know my face or recognise my style of writing on this blog because quite frankly, I have been ‘Hayley the HERMIT’ the last nine months.
Nine months you say? That sounds like a familiar timeframe for something doesn’t it? That’s right. I’m Hayley, Mum of a near three year old – and soon to be Mum again.
Soon is an understatement actually. The medical profession have predicted a due date of 6th October. October sounds like ages away in my head, but it’s NEXT BLOODY WEEK and to be honest with y’all, I am shitting it.
Yes, I’ve given birth before so technically I know what the deal is and have the whole “I’ve done it before so I know I can do it again” mantra to work with, but on that basis I’ve also fallen down the stairs and broken my ankle before – doesn’t mean I’d readily sign up to do it again.
There’s an element of safety and comfort in the unknown. Not knowing exactly how much something is going to sting, helps protect you just enough to cope with your imaginings of just how much you think it’s going to sting.
Time helps with that too of course; we quickly (& thankfully) forget just how much like dying we felt with that bout of gastroenteritis that bitch Julie from the mail room gave us last winter (even though she swore she wasn’t contagious any more) or just how much pain there was when you last experienced something, er, painful..
Like giving birth. I mean, we’d be a world of one-child families if women could actually relive and recount the EXACT level of pain they felt when birthing their children. Of course, unlike being sick or having an accident, you get something amazing at the end of that pregnancy/labour slog and that really is what keeps us going.
I can recall my daughter’s birth vividly and how I remember thinking…yes, this hurts but that it’s OK because I’ll soon meet her and I have been waiting to meet her for what feels like forever. I was off my face on Entonox, telling the midwife and my husband how I really really liked the Ed Sheeran song that was playing on the radio in the background and feeling slightly smug that I’d so far managed to avoid soiling the birthing pool water that my first child was soon to be submerged and born into. Go me!
Memories like that make me laugh now (& cringe a bit to be fair) and it’s those that I hope will help me through the nerves this time round.
Apart from the excitement and joy of meeting our new arrival, I know there are lots of things to look forward to once I’ve pushed this small human from out of my vaginal cavity. Below are just a few of my favourites, feel free to share yours in the comments section, no doubt there are many other things I’ve forgotten to add to my list!
1. I can drink gin again. And wine. And Prosecco. And gin, did I mention gin?
2. Finally getting rid of the piles. (No not piles of washing or ironing…bum piles, aka haemorrhoids. Being pregnant is NOT glam!)
3. Not having people randomly rub my tummy and think it’s OK. It’s not f**king OK and I am nearly done with you people!
4. Cheese. I’m gonna eat all the cheese.
5. Having a perfectly valid reason to look like shit and not make an effort with my appearance – cos you know – I’ve got a newborn baby innit.
6. Having a perfectly valid reason for the house to look like shit – cos….see point 5.
7. Showing off. I’m getting a baby! I can show them off to all and sundry, boring people with multiple pictures of their largely non-changing chubby little face, and can totally justify [over] performing that song Rafiki sings at the beginning of The Lion King (probably after partaking in some of point 1.)
8. Seeing people again. I mentioned at the start I’d been a hermit, well it’s no lie. This pregnancy has been notably tougher than my first and I’ve kind of hidden away a bit because of it. But there is Social Butterfly-coloured light at the end of the tunnel…hurrah!
So, wish me luck and here’s hoping for a healthy, happy birth. Here’s also hoping for another poo free event, unreserved supply of Entonox and Ed Sheeran tunes by the guitar-load (actually, I might make a playlist this time – I’m thinking Salt ‘n’ Pepa’s ‘Push It’ could work well…).
See you on the other side lovely people.
Editors note: Hayley had her beautiful baby boy before I had a chance to publish her post, she was kind enough to share some pics, and check out his lil cute behind in Kit & Kin’s nappies tee hee hee.