The internet, or social media in particular can be a dangerous thing in the hands of a petty person like me.
The Pettiest thing I did was out my cheating husband on Facebook. I caught him playing tongue twister with his mates girlfriend a couple of months ago (yeah, that anon post was mine) and I proceeded to tag him in Facebook posts about it. Instead of cutting up his clothes or setting his shit on fire I visited Pettyville to release my anger… how to mend a broken heart? Why, you let that cheaters work colleagues, friends and family know what he did of course. Real petty, real messy.
Everyone’s had one of those messy moments surely? Indirects, sorrowful updates or full blown melt downs. We love them, honestly truly. There’s nothing better than a primary school friend that you haven’t seen for 30 years spilling Tea all over Facebook… until that is, when It’s you. The post can be deleted, although once read people will either be waiting for the next instalment of your messy drama or applauding you for joining the Pettyville train. Others perhaps will be shaking their head wondering wtf you were doing. Publicly airing your dirty laundry for all to see and delightfully roll around in. Ew.
When the Pettyville train arrives at its destination and you realise what you did may not have been such a good idea, some kind of damage control needs to be put in place. You know, so this shit doesn’t happen again. This is when I unfriended the majority of his family and work colleagues. It’s such a messy situation that no one questioned it. Admittedly, I would do it again. Because I am petty. Oh, and Jesus help him if he ever cheats on me again, because Facebook would be the least of his worries.
When it comes to petty there is certain criteria one needs to meet before you can actually claim to be petty. You need to be able to start shit and follow it through. You need to be 100% happy with what you’re doing in the knowledge that you are 100% in the right.
Petty comes in many forms and levels-
Asking a question when you already know the answer.
For example- Your other half has a text message from the opposite sex. You’ve already read it so you know who, what, when and how, but you ask anyway. Just to see if they say the truth. Petty Level Low.
Labelling everything at work purely because someone had the audacity to use your mug (or you suspected as much). Your name on your spoon, plate, sugar, coffee, stationary… every damn thing. Petty Level Medium.
That whole *Blac Chyna and Rob Kardashian scenario. GURL. Her Petty Level was high as hell. She won and is still winning today for that messiness, sorry pettiness. Petty Level High.
*If you’ve been living under a rock or you just don’t follow all things petty I’ll fill you in. Blac Chynas baby daddy (Tyga) started dating her friends (Kim Kardashian’s) younger sister, Kylie. Blac Chyna then started dating Kylie’s brother Rob… she got pregnant, they got engaged and then dumped Rob. She is (so far) the only one who’s child will carry on the Kardashian name as Rob is the only Kardashian son. BOOM, BRAP, BRAVO GURL. That took some commitment.
I am a self confessed Petty person, I can’t help it and I’m too old and too tired of peoples shit to rise above it all. It’s better to be petty than to find my arse in prison. I am Petty, I am messy *Shrugs.
If you think you’re on the road to Petty, remember that there is a very thin line between pettiness and messiness.
Your level of commitment and how many people you take down with you contributes to this factor. Just remember if you want to take that train to Pettiville you need to own it and not look back. There are no stops, just one dirty direct ride to that station. It’s not pretty, its not cute, and if you visit too often Pettyville will become oh so messy.
Already Petty? Whats the Pettiest thing that you’ve done? Come on, don’t leave me hanging.
Woman Of Wakanda, reality TV lover and creator of Kiki Blah-Blah.