Kiki noun. Definition: An assembly or meeting, especially one held for the specific purpose of gossiping or chit-chat. "Let's have a kiki!"

I HAVE NO FRIENDS

I HAVE NO FRIENDS

So, from the get go I’ve always had lots of friends. Primary school was THE BEST time of my life, it was about chatting to friends, playing and more chatting. Socially, it was brilliant.

School friends were important. I’d put them before anything and everything, I was the one bringing disposable cameras to every trip or even to the playground. My friends and I were plastered on my wall whilst others had posters of NKOTB or Take That, Selfies are not a new fad. Our phone bills were horrendous, so I’d be that girl in the phone box gossiping for an hour. Mobiles weren’t around then, remember?

 

As time passed, uni came and went, and my circle became smaller. Friends became acquaintances, friends became bitches, “friends” disappeared. It feels as if I have no friends.

I’m still a bit puzzled, but I do believe it’s down to my blunt attitude. If someone wrongs me, or seems negative, they’ll be struck off. I can’t listen to you complain about how crap your life is when you HAVE A GOOD LIFE -__-

It’s not realistic to give so many fucks about absolutely nothing.

nofriendsI got to the point where I did a drastic Facebook cull. To the extent where it looks like I left school at 16. You know you can tell when people stopped making friends. 20- 80 people in your list- you’re a mum, or possibly grandma who has joined Facebook to see what it’s all about. 100- 500, you have all your school friends on your list and probably never went to college. 1000+ you went to uni, you are friends with everyone you ever met and even added the funny girl you met in the loo whilst you both posed in selfies on a night out. That used to be me.

I cut all the strangers, I cut the acquaintances, I cut the negativity, I cut my social life.

Since then, we moved. We moved over 100 miles away whilst I was pregnant with Ziggy, in my mind I thought, “hey, great, a fab new way to meet new people!”. *Sigh, no. I do realise I’m in the position where some may be desperate to grab as many new friends as possible so you’re not spending your days talking to a cat. But no. I went to the breastfeeding classes, I went to the birthing classes, but no one seemed like fun. They didn’t tick any of my boxes. Do they look like they’d prefer a glass of Sangria over talking about their laundry? No… won’t talk to you then. Do you seem like a hippy mum wearing those hippy tie dye parachute pants? Yes, yes you do… you will not be spoken to. I really can’t discuss reusable sanitary aids over a glass of wine. None of you seem like me. None of you seem young, or old enough, or would even know what old skool garage is. Am I too picky? Yes, you’re all probably fabulous in your own way, which is why you have so many friends, but still… where is my almighty kindred spirit BFF? 🙁

nofriendsbyeThere are loads of mummy meet ups etc, I get out and about and take Zigs to soft play centres whilst the others are at school. But you can tell the desperado’s who want to befriend a mile off. They talk to your baby and wait aimlessly for a response until you answer for them. They kind of follow you around for a bit whilst I stay close to my baby so he doesn’t kill himself on the slide. Lady, this isn’t the right time! I’m a fellow desperado, just talk to me online or at a bar. *Sigh.

 

The school run and playground wait is a bit different. You get the groups of possibles. You get the Dad who’s probably an actor or in music, so he’s around to do the school runs. You get the frumpy mums who wear trousers two sizes too small and their gut is just hanging out. You get the cool mum who is in full makeup everyday and leaves you wondering HOW???. How did you have time to do that? And there’re the fun looking mums, the gang who chat and laughs. They’re NORMAL, I want to hang with them! We say hello, bye, have a nice weekend on passing. But that’s it. My kid is invited to their kids birthday parties, but again, it’s a hello and thanks for the invite. The conversation doesn’t really get anywhere past that. *Sigh. Why am I only attracting the weird mum? She’s wearing that F’ing christmas jumper all year round! Lady, leave me!

Mindy and JessYes, I know it seems like I’m really stand-offish, a bitch, and a bit a lot picky, my RBF really doesn’t help the situation, but I really can’t get into a fake friendship just for the sake of it. What was the point of the cull in the first place? I want new FABULOUS friends, like the friends on TV, where’s MY silly chatty “Mindy“? Where’s MY wine guzzling “Jules“, where is MY quirky funny “Jess“? Why can’t we all just go and grab a coffee and a cocktail?

Have I been too harsh? Are all these amazing looking girlie friendships just a mirage? Are you all just bitching behind each others backs, but just meet up together anyway? If so, then that’s really not for me, I’ll continue to be that loner I guess.

Yes, I have my husband. But realistically, I’m his stand-in BFF whilst his real one is with his wife. It’s cool, I realise that. Yes, I have my kids, I’m happy to chat about the same thing and about why Bob may have been mean to them that day, OK. But I need some girlie, happy, silly time periodically.

Whilst some may be on their quest for the perfect family, I have that already #SorryNotSorry. So now, whilst they all have their own lives, I’ll continue my search for you… my compadré, the Ren to my Stimpy, the Rupert to my Stewie, the Beyoncé to my Kelly. Sorry Michelle.

 

Woman Of Wakanda, reality TV lover and creator of Kiki Blah-Blah.

6 Comments

  1. Tanya

    Sareta. …you give me too much joke!
    I love this you hit the nail on the head in this peace. I so can relate to a certain extent, as a new mum i havent quite reached the school run age yet but have defo cleansed my Facebook and WhatsApp of all the fake/weird “friends”.
    I too wonder where are all the people that are more like myself that i can hang with?

    I do refer to myself as Betty quite alot these days lol. BUT you know what….im cool with that im comfortable with my own company .

    Reply
    • Sareta

      Haha, thanks for your comment Tanya! I love the fact that you refer to yourself as “Betty”, I often have those days which make me reevaluate my “friendlessness”… I’m picky, but I’m happy with that, it’s my choice! Even if we can count our friends on one hand, thats better than having hundreds of acquaintances 🙂

      Reply
  2. Anthea Nash

    I have the answer for you and firstly you. I had this discussion with someone the other day because I always feel like the mad lady trying to make conversation with people. You are not the problem and neither am I(I hope). People don’t feel comfortable bringing new people into their circle of friends that they have been friends with from their childhood/schooldays/uni days. They feel comfortable with their friends and cautious I guess. It has taken me 6 years to make a friend and we are finally opening up to each other and now we are bestie(well that’s what I think). I guess people like to stay in their comfort zone, but you are a risk taker and an extrovert and stay that way.

    Reply
    • Sareta

      It’s true Anthea. I said the same thing for years “i don’t want any new friends” and was quite close to the friends that I had. I do think I should have been less cautious as i’d provably have friends that have more in common with me than the ones i’ve lost! Thanks for you comment x

      Reply
  3. mayita

    But, but, but cloth sanitary pads are soooo pretty!? How can you not want to put flowers in your pants!?!?!?!? 😉
    Feel iiute lucky I made the cut now, phew!

    Reply
    • Sareta

      Flowers? LOL! I’ll take the rainbow hippy pants for now and leave the rest to you Mayita 😀

      Reply

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Losing Associates, and Gaining Friends. - Kiki Blah-Blah - […] is something we’ve covered before. Check out this archived post by Sareta, as a mum who lost friends a long…

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *